Are You Guilty Of Toxic Positivity?

By Marianne Schofield | 3rd Sept 2021

Are you a glass half full person and always looking on the bright side? Whilst having a positive nature is a wonderful trait there are times when it can go too far and ultimately be toxic to yourself and those around you.

As we all continue to navigate our way through this life-changing pandemic now more than ever it is time to bring some balance and realism to that positive state.

Toxic positivity* is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It can lead to feelings of guilt for feeling sad or angry, because why should you? There is always someone worse off than yourself. But often life isn’t easy, it can be really bloody hard sometimes. Constantly dismissing any negative feeling can ultimately be damaging because this prevents you from facing and dealing with difficult situations.

It can also be highly destructive to your relationships with others when you are too quick to dismiss someone’s difficult feelings and focus purely on the positive. Have you ever spoken to a friend who has told you something they are going through… divorce, redundancy, financial trouble etc… and you have straight away dismissed their need to talk through these feelings and work through their grief or anxiety by telling them to see the positive and new opportunities their situation can bring. Whilst it is great to help people see what is going for them it is also really important to let people talk about how they are feeling. If we continually dismiss painful emotions they get bottled up and have nowhere to go which can eventually lead to an emotional breakdown.

Whilst I’m not suggesting we all spend our down times wallowing and spiralling out of control there is absolutely a balance to be had between facing up to the difficult emotions before trying to seek the positive. People will often say ‘everything happens for a reason’ and ‘time is a healer’ and whilst both of those things are often true you probably won’t see it until a long time after the event. Therefore either being told, or telling someone else that, will not necessarily make it easier to journey through a painful or challenging situation at the time.

Next time you are feeling down or someone tells you something that makes them sad take a breath and think about what you can do or say. Acknowledging the feeling and allowing time and space to talk to unburden or to grieve will lead to a healthier and more successful way to navigate a path through a dark time. You’ll be able to return to that positive mindset much quicker too.

 Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-positivity